This is hard to admit, but I am not doing well right now.
I’ve been suffering from severe chronic migraines since I was a teenager. Calling them “headaches” doesn’t do them justice; I can’t take aspirin or ibuprofen to help with the pain, I can barely function when they hit, and the recovery is slow and leaves me vulnerable to rebound migraines for hours or days afterwards. I have to spend most of my time walking on eggshells, babying myself and avoiding many of my favorite activities.
I want to be healthy so. badly. I spend most of my days hiding in a dark room, listening to the low hum of a white noise machine while I sip Pedialyte and try not to vomit or pass out from the pain. If I’m lucky, I get two days per week of normal-ish functioning.
I have 10 different medications on me at all times in case a migraine hits. Sometimes the meds do nothing, and I end up in the ER because the nausea is so intense I’m unable to keep pills or liquids down. Even when the meds do work, they leave my brain foggy, zap all my energy, and turn me into a vegetable. I can’t drive, make simple decisions, or remember much of what happens around me. I’ve been on countless other preventative medications and tried a lot of lifestyle changes, but nothing has worked so far. And some of the preventative side effects have been almost as bad as having the migraine anyway.
To reduce the likelihood of a migraine, I’ve tried to identify what can trigger them. So far my list is:
low blood sugar
hormone changes around my cycle
too much sleep
too little sleep
barometric pressure changes (more than 0.20 milibars per day)
strong chemical smells
severe climate changes
and possibly certain foods
I’m very active on migraine blogs and have tried countless remedies in an attempt to get relief. I receive emails from people offering me advice and I truly appreciate it. Here’s what I’ve done so far:
Lots of medications (too many to list – if you’ve heard of a migraine med assume I’ve done it)
over hydrating (seriously, I drink tons of water)
seeing a regular chiropractor
sphenopalatine ganglion (SPG) nerve blocks
every over the counter medicine or migraine remedy I’ve encountered
What I’m trying this year:
Botox (I’m waiting on my neurologist to see if we can try it)
…And whatever else my doctors recommend. I have a panel of neurologists looking after me. It took a year to get into their care but it’s one of the best in the country.
My mental health has suffered significantly because I’m sick all the damn time. Being barely able to function makes me feel awful and guilty. The pain, depression, and anxiety pull me into a downward spiral of negativity and wreck any attempts at productivity.
I’m often so weak that I have to rely heavily on my poly/kink family. They are my world, and I am so thankful to have them in my life. When we go out they make sure I have water and snacks, and they watch out for me to make sure I’m feeling ok as the night progresses and I expend what energy I do have. When we stay in, they play video games and watch awful reality tv with me to help distract me, and they take turns rubbing my head and shoulders to help ease the pain. They let me cry, vent, and take me to doctors appointments or hospitals when I’m too sick to function. I’ve always valued my independence, strength, and my ability to lead and get shit done. Not being able to fulfill that strong leader-type of role is really messing with my sanity. It’s very difficult for me to ask for help, admit that I’m sick, and not shine the way I normally do. Simply put, my mind is fierce and strong and my body just isn’t keeping up. I feel like I’m too young and have too much life to live to be inside and in pain all of the time.
But, I’m not a quitter. I’m a problem solver and a hard worker. I’ll figure out a way to make this work and shine again. Sessions are hard for me these days, but I’m actively trying to do more. If you’re looking for services from me, keep emailing me once a month to see how I’m doing. I want to see you, I just can’t when I’m only 20% okay. You deserve me when I’m able to give you 100% of my creative, sadistic self. I don’t do half measures – it’s not how my brain works.
I also get a lot of requests offering help when I’m sick, for massages, food runs, errands, etc. I really appreciate the offers but I’m not generally in a state to receive them. I prefer to hide in a cave only exposing myself to those I trust. You don’t want to serve a Queen who has been in pajamas all day, hasn’t done her hair or makeup and can barely function – and even if you don’t mind, I do. I prefer not to be seen in that light, even by my favorite submissives.
There are a few flavors of help that I’m comfortable accepting in my weakened state: Come to my live channel and hop in chat and talk to me! Send me a nice email. I put things on my wishlist that help like food items, Uber gift cards, etc. Follow my social media and leave nice comments. Just be a decent human being. I notice these things, and I’ll recognize and reward for your kind acts of service when I’m feeling better.
Thanks for listening.
5 thoughts on “I’m Sick.”
I suffer from Cluster Headaches which are somewhat similar to migraines, but worse in intensity. One remedy that has worked for me that you apparently haven’t tried (based on your list) is oxygen. Normally, you would need a prescription for medical oxygen, but as it turns out, oxygen is commonly used in welding, so it’s easy to buy an oxygen tank, regulator, hosing and mask. Thereafter, refills for the oxygen tank run about $15. If you google oxygen and migraines, you’ll see positive results in some cases. It will certainly help with recovery, if nothing else.
Ohh I forgot about that. I remember seeing it at a migraine place. Who prescribed it for you? PCP or neurologist? And I’m sorry about the clusters. Those sounds like hell on earth.
I just came from your youtube channel, didn’t know that you have a website, reading this message has left at the beginning some sort of sadness in my heart, but as I reached the end of It and saw how you fought and really made a great improvement, It felt great again, please Scarlett you should just know that you’re really loved by so many people including me, It’s never about a lust or some sexuality more likely it’s about your human being and you naturality, I will pray for you to pass this migraine, I had a friend who had these things for many years, he recovered suddenly and also no science could have helped, he did some sort of natural excercises, I will try to reach him to see how he recovered from it.
Please keep us updated how things are going.
I love you extremely much, I wish you awesome life and overcome all those obstacles.
Thank you so much. I’ll beat these things. <3
I haven’t had clusters in a while now, thank goodness. Since using oxygen and breaking the cycle, it’s been good. The nice thing about oxygen is that you don’t need a prescription to get it, although you can get a prescription for it from a good neurologist; most primary care physicians will refer to a neurologist or issue an ergotamine product prescription, rather than prescribing oxygen.
To get oxygen, you simply go to a welding store or gas supply store and buy an oxygen bottle, which you trade in for refills when the bottle is empty. Refills are about $12-18. The other items you need are a regulator and an oxygen mask (you can get the mask from Amazon). The intial cost is for the regulator and the tank; after that, it’s just the $12-18. Do not tell them it’s for medical purposes; I just say mine’s for home brewing. Oxygen for welding has to be absolutely pure; any contaminants would not only ruin the weld but also be potentially dangerous when welding. The tanks are filled from the same source as medical oxygen. 20 minutes is about the maximum for breathing in pure oxygen, and I would limit your time to no more than 10-15 minutes, as it will dry out your passages without more gear to add moisture to the air.
If you’re unsure, just head to a gas supply/welding supply store and say you need oxygen for some home brewing and don’t know exactly what you need but you want to supply it via plastic tubing. The people will be happy to show you the regulators (a cheap one is fine; should have two dials on it–one for oxygen pressure in tank, another dial for outflow) with the proper fittings for a tank and for a plastic tube and a small green oxygen tank that you can carry (maybe about a foot tall). They will explain about how tanks are traded in empty for a full one, and also how to look at the dates on the tank, so you don’t trade in a really new tank for a really old tank.
Hope this clears things up a bit.